Unreliable narrator

The video from the shoot that I wrote a couple of entries about [Sperm-burping cocksucker  and Shrouded] finally posted. 

THIS is the page for the studio on Just For Fans. 

THIS is the page for the studio on Twitter. So, now you can see me in all my glory - an out and proud overweight big-dicked fifty-something in the center of his weird autistic sex groove, fucking and spanking and having an AWESOME time. I do have a mask on, mostly because it gives me a little bit of separation, of anonymity; it was funny how completely I forgot that I was even wearing it until I would see it in the mirrors. I want to get a half-hood. 

This is a chat conversation between me and Tony, the producer for the Private Playground parties and the associated JFF page - I've been talking with him the whole time about my concerns, my anxieties, my excitement, and how much I was looking forward to sticking my penis into people. 

It's funny, how much the editing changes things. I totally understand how it happens, it's just weird to see it in something where I was there in person, and then I see it edited. Also the views from the different cameras. It's very trippy!

I see myself  where Camera 2 sees Camera 1 filming me fucking Vigor, and it catches the whole bit with the paper towel (thank you for that) - but my fucking him is totally background. Does that one come out later?

LOL is it different in a good way?

Yes, Cam 2 footage comes out after we're done with Cam 1. 

That way we keep the boys anxiously awaiting more vids!

It's the unreliable narrator. I don't have hard drive space in my head for a literal run-through of life; I compact things, so that a shortened version with highlights exists in my memory

but it's usually not up against video editing quite like this.

It's fascinating. I may have to go through and edit my blog entries so that they align more with reality.

Good move, on the keeping-them-waiting. And I can't wait to see what Troy got (he's Cam 2, and you're Cam 1, yes?) because I know what was happening there, and it was hot. So much of the hotness was literally up inside Vigor where you won't see it, but I can see, for instance in this one, where I wag my hips kind of like a dog's tail-wag in reverse, which is the bit that threads his second hole onto my cockhead.

It's so cool that you have this extra-perspective from reality, to blog depth to edited video for the masses.

I'm debating whether to make an entry, or update the one that's in there already, to discuss that.

do a new one! Give the differences you're feeling now!

That would be interesting to see how the 2 compare!

[NOTE: Tony is busy for a while, and I just keep typing. I'm not railroading the conversation, it becomes kind of an essay on my side, and he pipes back in later.]

And it is very satisfying to see that even though Cam1 only observes that particular fuck itself in the distance -- it reminds me of "Landscape with the fall of Icarus", where it's a huge pastoral scene with lots of other foreground, and just this splash in the water you have to look for to notice - but it fully corroborates my story, showing me bringing back the bloody paper towel, showing it to him, him fingering his ass and checking to make sure he's clean, us having the discussion. I appreciate the fact that this is a part that gets trimmed out of most studio porn - the awkward bits with a towel, or the moments where you have to rearrange to get to another good fuck position.

(and this, here, is me having the creative process part of figuring out the next entry)

Interesting question - would you be OK with me quoting this conversation with your bits, in a blog entry? Because the conversation is the fascinating part for me. I'm going back and forth between thinking of myself as subject and myself as narrator; I'm considering how I look on video, and how I feel about how the editing plays with time and how my memory is unreliable, but so is any edited footage.

I don't know if you watch Himeros videos? Davey Wavey's studio - he does a lot of very thinky, very meta gay porn.

He did one called "Every Cut is a Lie," based on the Jean-Luc Godard quote - "Film is truth 24 times a second, and every cut is a lie." The whole thing is filmed with one camera, and they have this sublime, connected, fairly rough fuck where they both cum inside of a single cut. It's a beautiful video, and I love it even more because they can't cut out the awkward.

In my head, I was fucking Vigor while the room was still almost entirely empty. I can see in the video, that it actually happened much further into the action than I had in my mental "notes."

But there was so much going on in my head during the first part - adjusting to figuring out who was where, what the cameramen were doing, seeing how I looked in the mirror in comparison to other guys, figuring out who was doing which and with what and to whom... and that bit in my head got compacted down, like where a camera sits still on a bit of video where only fragments move, and you know that the bitrate for that particular segment is much lower because so much of the image is static.

and looking at it now, I am torn between thoughts like, "Hmm... if I had grabbed Vigor's face with left-hand-on-jaw and right-hand-on-cap instead of the other way around like I did when I was face-fucking him as the guy with the COVID mask plowed his ass... you'd see more of his face, and you could get his expressions more clearly... but at the same time, you'd miss the strong gesture of me holding his face and manually adjusting his jaw to  slip my cockhead past his tonsils into his throat. And it only lasts for a second, because he starts to gag and bounces off of it, and you hear my laughter, which I LOVE, and that whole part figured in my head earlier as him not liking me fucking his throat very much, and turning and offering me his ass.

So often, this kind of porn is grimly silent - and I know that it represents reality, because so many guys are grimly silent when they're fucking at the bath house - and I was wondering if the soundtrack was edited so that the music covered over anyone talking. I was delighted to hear myself laughing, talking, smacking ass - and in some moments, to see the Cam1 footage while I know that Cam2 is watching me spanking Vigor's ass as I'm fucking him - because you can hear the smack ACROSS THE ROOM and you see guys turn and look because of the sound. And you hear Vigor's loud moaning as I'm plowing into him. I was honestly worried, before getting there, that I would be offensively loud, that it would bother people, that me being noisy would have to be edited out.

Being loud when I fuck has been a deliberate choice: I love my noises; I made them myself.

It has brought me so much feeling of joy and connection - because I know that not only am I expressing my own feelings, but I'm communicating to the bottom I'm fucking and also to everyone in the fucking room.

and the places where you DO, and where you DON'T hear voices, are really interesting. At one point, you're filming a blowjob and the guy with the epic beard is talking to you, and I hear you say "Nice story!"... but his speech is just buzzing noises to me, I'm unable to resolve his words. Then I realize that it's in stereo, and I put in my other earbud (I usually just wear the right one, so that I'm able to hear things happening around the house, or hear road sounds when I'm driving, etc) and then I hear him saying something about "You were sitting on the sofa at the old location, Manana, and I sucked you off and got you hard again, and you said OK, fine, and I bent over for you, and that was exactly what I wanted." And it's amazing how differently sensitive the two microphones have to be, because I can literally hear it clear as day in my left ear, but the right ear is nearly unintelligible buzzing, even after I know what's being said. I can hear it, now that I know what I'm hearing, but just barely. Your voice is loud and clear, of course, because you're so close to the mic. I'm curious to see what it's going to pick up from me throat-fucking "Rick" (he was Rick in an earlier entry, but you know who I'm talking about, CL) because I know I project.

And I just keep watching the bit where Vigor says, "Am I clean? (sniffs fingers) I'm bleeding?" and I say, "Not much... you're clean; I just wanted to make sure you knew" and then  you barely hear me say something about "You're good... just wanted you to know. Sorry... " and then you hear "Sorry not sorry... sorry would do it again..." and he laughs. And I didn't realize how close I was to the mic, or didn't think that it would make the cut, when I told you, "See.. it's never what I'm going for; always happens."

I think I may have shown you the bloody paper towel off-camera.

haha nice! No, I don't think you showed me that paper...maybe it was the other cam guy...

LOL. Nope, you may not have realized what I was showing you, or I may not have unfolded it, but that's what I was referencing when I said "It's never what I'm going for... always happens"

I wish I had saved it. It would have looked bizarre but beautiful in a frame.

I was trying NOT to show it to the camera.

because of not being sure what the position on blood was.

it's called Bloodletting, I think.

no... that's a VERY different kink. That's knives and implements. What happened with me, is rough fucking where you got some blood.

but I didn't want to spoil a bunch of camera footage, if you had to avoid mentioning it.

It's like the difference between playing rugby and having somebody accidentally kick you in the nuts... and having someone tie you to a rack and kick you in the nuts for half an hour. I'm not into bloodletting.

If I link to YOU, should I use the TPP Twitter page? If I link to the VIDEO, should I link to the JFF page for it?

Feel free to link either one: twitter and jff! 😃 I'm cool with it! I appreciate that!

twitter.com/PrivatePlaygro1

JustFor.Fans/PrivatePlaygro1