Going Deeper (inside strange men)

This is another one of those that's going to probably be multiple posts. It was a LOT.  I'm going to start out writing the text at the top, and work through and between the video bits, if that makes sense. Because I haven't had the time to sit down and write an entry about this awesome intense night, and also I am still waiting on footage from the other cameras. I think there was some of the stuff that happened BEFORE the part that was captured on this camera, and then it kind of inter-weaves with this. I had wanted to get that before I went further... but I'll just piece it together. I can write shit to make it make sense. But that's what I mean when you hear me say something like, "Well, I'm not going to keep holding this, now that you're here" - it's another (probably much fancier) camera with a better light and a gimbal. I mean, don't get me wrong - I think I caught some hot bits - but it's tough to fuck creatively while holding the

The evening starts with this tall muscular guy who messaged me on Grindr. He told me he's married to a woman, and that she doesn't know. I always take this kind of conversation with a grain of salt - "I'm married to a woman/this is my first time/I'm straight, but I'm really curious/I'm famous in my home country/I've spent six years in prison and I just got out today" type comments are often genuine, but also often manufactured as part of a fantasy the guy is wanting to live out. In my mind, it's not my business whether it's real - or whether there is a partner in a guy's life, real or imaginary, disclosed or hidden. It's an understanding that frames the encounter we'll have, an aspect of how the play will be managed. It's character notes for our dramatis personae . I don't get involved in any sort of judgment on other people's commitments and relationships; I know that I've had frank discussions with my own husba