Going Deeper (Inside Strange Men)

This started out as a series of texts sent to a friend after a particularly hot night chasing tail at the baths. I ended up with a lot more thinking as it went on, and it kind of got... well, you know.  I felt so fucking dominant last night. The guys I fucked, and the guys who watched me fucking them... making men kneel and suck my cock until they gagged and half-puked in front of everyone, then spit the slime they've gagged up into my hand, and I explain to this sweet obedient boy, that those guys who say you can't possibly fuck a guy with just spit, don't know shit about spit and where to get it, and how to use it for fucking; this stuff is like human J-lube!  And I reach two fingers into the bottom's throat and gag him and make him spit even more of it into my palm and lube up my cock some more, then wipe it on his ass and then give it several resounding smacks. I love when the guys standing around jerking their dicks are halfway between turned on and uncomfortable; ...

At the bath house. A guy in the sauna... he is giving me the eyes, I can see him looking up and down, from my face, to my cock. I walk over and stand in front of him. He reaches out to touch my belly, then my cock... I push his head forward by grasping the back of his skull with my hand, making it clear that I want him to suck. He does.  I fuck his throat a while, making him semi-puke (I need a better word for that; slime, no actual vomit, but a hard gag) and then he looks up and asks if I'll fuck his ass. I do, at some considerable length and great depth, once again enjoying the amazing sensation of that second hole. And one thing I've learned to love doing, is out-loud, NOT A FUCKING WHISPER, dirty talk when I'm at some place like the baths. So I'm narrating like I'm in a porn film, "Yeah... FUCK that's tight, I love how that second hole feels on my cock head... dude, I know that hurts you, but is it alright if I keep doing it, because HOLEY FUCK JESUS, i...

 I love my noises. I made them myself. Some of it, is that I have learned enough to relax and let the noises out... but for the most part, I have deliberately chosen sounds that I found hot when other guys made them. That growl, I picked up from a guy my husband and I fucked together, almost a decade ago now. I made it my own, because my voice is not that guy's voice - but it's definitely the same primal grunty, roary growl. If you slow it down with a slo-mo video effect, so that the cum in your cumshot spurts out like a National Geographic clip of a lava eruption, it's a sound effect that you hear in a LOT of horror-monster movies... which I imagine are actually slowed-down feline roars. You hear it in Jurassic Park.  But if I didn't deliberately make a point of reaching out to my fellow human beings with my voice during sex... I would usually be silent. I have to make an effort to connect.  Sound is a choice for me, a deliberate decision. And the more I read about it,...

I wish I had video of this one guy. We started in the sauna, he sucked my dick like a good boy. Didn't object when I pushed it into his throat. We played there for a while, got too hot, went to the maze. He wanted me to fuck him in the sling, but first I put him on his knees and fucked him in the throat until he built up a good head of slime. He was good...VERY good. He didn't puke, he let me keep him right on the edge of it for several minutes. I wanted to do this... and, I wanted everybody to watch me do it. That submission is so beautiful, and I know that it's a challenge, and I love showing it off when I've got somebody who can do it properly. I was showing off my skill, and his skill, and it was a beautiful thing, like dancing to a song where you have the floor to yourselves because the music is fast, and you put on a show and you're RIGHT at the top of what you can do, and everybody knows.  Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, the Hungarian-American psychologist with the ...

  I have a  craftsmanship  fetish.  Whatever I'm doing... I want even pen strokes, I want a perfect handprint on that bottom's ass cheek, I want nice even stitches on my embroidery, I want a boy's asshole to feel thoroughly and completely violated, his prostate milked until it needs a week of sleep.  [And DAMMIT, I think this really is a D8 (legal THC) thing... I start thinking about jerking off, and my brain starts to think about THINKING ABOUT jerking off, and then it's off to the rambles again.] And I think that part of it is because when I was a kid, I wasn't popular, I wasn't fast, I wasn't liked or accepted... but I was SMART. I was GOOD AT WHAT I DID. And so I could look at those things, and they were things I could control, and I focused my emotional satisfaction on making those things shine, on getting them to be award-winning, on being brag-worthy, on people giving me medals and attention and love. And so now, not only can I take a  craftsmanship ...

Some of these are months old, and I'm posting them in no particular order, more as I think of or refer to them, than with any sense of chronology. There's a thing that I watch out for in porn, and try to achieve in real life. Two people who are fucking are really in tune with each other's energy and pacing, and they cum at, or close to, the same time. You can often tell well in advance of the orgasms; they breathe in time, they grunt and moan and pant in synchrony and often rise in pitch together as they get closer to orgasm. I read about it in a book called "Sperm Wars;" humans can synchronize and coordinate their orgasms and there are lots of ways both conscious and unconscious that we can fiddle with the system... but it's a thing that makes a nontrivial difference in terms of reproduction. Personally, I find that it makes a nontrivial difference in terms of pleasure, and I strive to make it happen if I can. In porn, I find that certain performers seem to h...

 A series of text messages to a friend late one night. Well, not all that late, really, for a weekend. But, maybe he's out being sociable. Who knows. Anyway:  So, not sure if this is going to work itself up into another one of those little rambles... but I go drift-net trawling for porn. I know that there are genres I like, and personalities I like, and body types and particular perverted sexual acts that I seek out in descriptions and specific studios... but I just enjoy downloading a bunch of stuff that might be interesting... and then skimming really quickly through it.  I can tell with watching just a few bits of the action, if it will make me cum watching it. Or at least something that I'll enjoy spending 25 minutes watching and playing with my dick. There's got to be a particular chemistry. If it's not a good connection, they can be fucking Cirque de Soleil actors butthole-juggling billiard balls...  it's soulless feeling, and I can't connect with it well....